Drugs & Consent
PnP and Consent
Because these drugs can affect how we think and behave, it’s harder to make clear decisions or give verbal consent when we’re partying. In fact, in party n’ play culture some see asking for consent as a buzz kill, and others willingly ask for people to take advantage without asking should they pass out.
Below are some strategies that have been used in the party n’ play scene to handle getting consent.
Consent Strategies: What They Are & How They Work
| Strategy | What It Is | Pros | Challenges |
| Non-verbal cues | Reading body language or facial expressions to interpret consent | – Feels natural in the moment- Doesn’t require speech | – Easy to misread- Can lead to confusion or regret later |
| Forward-looking consent | Giving consent ahead of time, before drugs take effect | – Sets expectations early- Can reduce pressure during the encounter | – Behavior may change while high- Hard to enforce in the moment |
| Instructive directives * | Written list of “yes” and “no” actions agreed to before partying | – Clear boundaries- Can help resolve disputes later | – May not be respected once intoxicated- Doesn’t prevent all harm |
| Proxy directives | A trusted person is assigned to speak up or intervene if consent gets blurry | – Adds a layer of protection- Can prevent harm in real time | – May feel awkward or intrusive- Requires trust and planning |
*Some use their online profiles and conversations with hookups on Apps as “instructive directives” – laying out will and won’t take place ahead of time.
Table adapted from insights in “I Feel the Rush: Chemsex and Consent Laws” – LawSci Forum.
Your “Get Out” Plan
A quick-exit strategy for when things feel off, unsafe, or just not what you expected.
Why It Matters
Sometimes, saying “I want to leave” isn’t safe or welcomed. Planning ahead gives you options and protects your peace.
What to Include in Your Plan
| Step | What to Do | Why It Helps |
| Carry cab or transit fare | Always have enough money to leave on your own. | Keeps you mobile and independent. |
| Tell a trusted friend | Share where you’re going and when you expect to be back. | Someone knows your whereabouts. |
| Share contact info | Give your friend the name and number of who you’re meeting. | Adds a layer of accountability. |
| Schedule a check-in call | Not just a text—set a time for a phone call. | Easier to signal distress or ask for help. |
| Use a trigger word | Create a secret phrase that means “I need help getting out.” | Let your friend step in with a believable excuse. |
Example trigger: “My apartment has a gas leak and the super needs to talk to me.”
- Practice your exit line ahead of time.
- Save local cab numbers or rideshare apps in your phone.
- If you’re using substances, plan before you start.
- Trust your gut—if something feels off, it’s off.
Party n’ Play and Sexual Assault
Sometimes people leave a party feeling “off”—like something happened that didn’t feel right. Maybe it wasn’t violent or dramatic, but it still felt unwanted. And yet, many go out of their way not to call it assault. Thoughts like “I was high and naked—what did I expect?” can creep in and make it harder to name the experience.
Here’s the truth:
Being in a sexual space while using drugs does not mean you’ve given up your right to say no.
It doesn’t matter if someone bought the drugs, invited you over, or if things started out consensual. You always have the right to stop, change your mind, or leave.
“No” is a complete sentence. It’s not rude, selfish, or impolite.
Underreporting & Masculinity
Men—including 2SGBTQ+ men—often underreport sexual assault. Cultural myths around masculinity can make it harder to speak up or even recognize what happened as assault. But your experience is valid, and your feelings matter.
Healing & Support
The legal system doesn’t always offer the healing or justice survivors need. But that doesn’t mean you have to carry it alone. Talking to a therapist, counselor, or support worker can help you unpack what happened and start to heal.
Real Talk
Sexual assault can and does happen in the 2SGBTQ+ community. You don’t have to suffer in silence or shame. You deserve care, support, and safety—no matter what.
Have Questions? We’re Here to Help!
Other articles in Partying Safely
Drug Use
Drug Information
Clear information about commonly used recreational drugs to support you in staying informed in any setting.
Overdose Prevention
Learn how to recognize and respond to common overdose emergencies, because your actions can save a life.
PnP and Mental Health
Learn how drugs can influence your mood and thinking, and how to respond when things take a turn—including episodes of psychosis.
Video Stories
This section features interviews with guys who party n'play discussing their journeys and sharing their thoughts on everything from sex & racism to how they push back against stigma.
Partying Safely
Partying safely is about having the right combination of self-awareness, self-advocacy and self-respect, and putting these into practice whenever you're using drugs.
Making Changes
Making changes to our use of drugs can feel....overwhelming, but you don't have to do it alone. This section helps you uncover what change means for you and how to get the support you need.
Drugs & Your Healthcare
Your relationship with your doctor should be one of trust, mutual respect, and honesty - this section covers what you need to do in order to get the healthcare you need, and how to address when you're not.
Additional Tools
Calendar of Events
Find Services
