Cruising

From hankies to hashtags, we’ve always found ways to find each other.

Locking eyes, making connections

It may seem like another world ago now, but there was a time before smartphone apps and internet access made connecting to other guys for sex as accessible as it is today. How did we do it back then? We cruised!

We’re not talking about spending a week on a giant boat in the seas. Cruising is a long-practiced tradition of men using mostly non-verbal communication, often in partially hidden or semi-public spaces like parks, washrooms, or alleyways, to signal to each other that they’re interested in hooking up (and then hopefully doing it)! If he looks back over his shoulder a second time, it’s cruising.

Cruising has always been a big part of gay culture because guys don’t always have safe spaces to meet each other in private. Most of the best or most popular cruising spots where guys like to go are places that are tucked away, or out of easy sightlines. This is so that you can stay hidden, but also hear or see when someone else is coming. While the possibility of getting caught may be exciting, the reality can be dangerous. In most places, you can be charged with a crime for doing anything sexy in a public place. Websites like squirt.org will show you places where guys like to meet up for cruising. Sniffies.com also has a lot of cruising spots on the map.

Hanky History

Back in the 1970s, gay guys used the “hanky code” to signal what they were interested in, by wearing a coloured handkerchief often in the back pocket of their jeans. This way, you could see right away what someone was interested in.

• A black handkerchief signals an interest in BDSM.
• Yellow is for watersports.
• Red is for fisting.
• Light blue is for oral sex.
• Hunter green is for daddies and their admirers.
• If you wore the hanky on the left side it mean you wanted to receive, and wearing it on the right side meant you wanted to give. This page has a great listing of the code! Some people still use the hanky code today, although it is less well known now.

Community Conduct

Cruising continues today because people still like to meet each other in person organically. As a community, that requires us to guard our spaces and look out for each other. That includes being discreet, not making too much noise, and keeping a look out for other people who might be passing by. It also means picking up your trash like wet wipes, condoms and lube wrappers so you don’t leave spaces messy. It also means respecting other people’s boundaries: nodding, making eye contact, or gently placing a hand on someone for non-verbal cues to join in on action. If someone moves your hand away, shakes their head “no” or otherwise doesn’t respond, it’s a polite sign to move on or just stand back and watch.

Another way that we take can take care of each other is by staying on top of our health. In cruising spaces, guys often avoid talking very much to keep the noise down. People aren’t always asking about STI status and treatment before they get busy. Sometimes, after a hookup is finished, guys may be more open to talking, but it’s not always the case. So it’s good not to make any assumptions about other people, and use the tools you have at your disposal to keep your body and the guys you hook up with protected. That can include using condoms, PrEP, doxy-PEP, or choosing to limit yourself to oral sex, hand jobs, jerking off or just watching. If you think you’ve been exposed to an STI or have symptoms, get tested or treated before you head back to cruise, so that everyone can have a worry-free time. getakit.ca has discreet at-home test kits that you can use and get your results back online.

When you go cruising, make sure to be aware of your surroundings, know where the exits are, or how to find your way back quickly if you need to leave. Keep an eye on your belongings, especially if you take your jacket or pants off. A fanny pack or holster may be useful to carry your wallet and phone, as well as any supplies like condoms, lube, wet wipes, tissues, or hand sanitizer.

If you want to learn more about this time-honoured tradition, we recommend checking out Leo Herrera’s book Analog Cruising: A Manual, or Marcus McCann’s book Park Cruising. Both are excellent resources that dive deep into history and how-to of cruising!