Hooking Up and Breaking It Off Online

Fancy meeting in a place like this!

Once upon a time, before the internet, guys called a newspaper or magazine to place an ad in the classified section, or leave a message in their voicemail inbox so they could meet up with each other. But now it’s as easy as taking a selfie on your phone and uploading your stats to an app. It’s so simple that it makes hooking up seem like ordering food off of Uber Eats delivery! But there are still some things that help make the meet up a little bit tastier.

Tips for talking on the apps:

• A little small talk never hurts. “How’s your night going?” opens up conversation but also lets you talk about meeting up.
• Tell them what you liked about their profile or their photos.
• Ask about what neighbourhood they live in – a cute way to say “your place or mine?”
• Bring up the last time you’ve been tested or what your HIV status is. A great way to talk about sexual health!
• Don’t be afraid to state what you like first (“I’m a bottom and I like it rough”)
• Ask what they enjoy getting up to, in (or out!) of the bedroom.
• Check for consent before you share your nude photos!
• Offer a concrete suggestion for meeting up, with a time, place and activity.

How people act on Tinder looks different than how they act on Sniffies, so you can use your judgment for what kind of banter works best for the app you’re on. It’s okay to ask more questions to the person you’re meeting up with if you’re unsure. Sometimes the thrill of mystery or discovery is the point. You decide what turns you on!

On second thought…

Sometimes plans change, or you find someone that’s a better match, or available sooner. Maybe they sent an updated photo and you decided you weren’t as interested as you thought you were, or the mood simply passed. Sometimes we hook up once or twice, and that was enough. That’s perfectly normal, and it happens all the time. Common courtesy is to let someone know you’re not going to make your plan, and not to leave them hanging. It’s no fun to be breadcrumbed, waiting on a hookup, douched and ready, only to get a no-show and ghosted after!

Try these lines to break it off without leaving things in the air:

• “Sorry, I don’t think we’re a match. Happy hunting!”
• “You seem like a cool person, but it’s not the right fit for me.”
• “While I had a fun time getting to know you, I’m going to pursue other connections now.”
• “I’m going to have to cancel our plan. Unfortunately I won’t be available for you another time.”

Don’t forget that behind the photos is a real life person with feelings and a life outside of the app. We all live in community together, and you may well see them again in a different context. Treat each other with kindness and respect.