Topping and Bottoming

Many ways to play

When it comes to anal or oral sex, everyone has their own turn-ons, turn-offs, and comfort levels. Some guys love bottoming, some prefer topping, and many enjoy switching between roles. Others stick to oral or other kinds of play. There’s no “right” way to have sex — what matters is that you’re enjoying yourself, looking out for your health, and respecting your partners.

Bottoming

Bottoming means receiving penetration in your ass. It can be intensely pleasurable (some lucky guys experience orgasms just from their prostate!) but it takes some prep for comfort and safety.

Making it feel good:

• Lube is essential. Use a lot, and reapply as needed. Silicone-based lubes last longer; water-based ones work well with condoms and toys.
• Relax and go slow. Tense muscles make penetration harder and less comfortable.
• Positioning matters. Experiment to find what feels best (try sitting on it, lying on your back, on your side, or on all fours)
• Speak up if something hurts. A little discomfort can be normal but things shouldn’t be painful. If something hurts it could be indication of a tear. Slow down or take a break if you need to.

Health considerations:

HIV and other STIs pass most easily from the top to the bottom, especially if the top cums inside without a condom. PrEP is a highly effective HIV prevention option for HIV-negative guys.

For HIV-positive guys, staying undetectable means that your immune system is as protected as possible from viral attack, and from you can’t pass HIV on to a partner.

Get regular STI testing (including anal swabs!)  since some STIs show no symptoms.

Some guys like to clean out with a douche before bottoming. It’s personal preference: some guys feel more comfortable to relax and have fun.

Topping

Topping means penetrating your partner. It can be hot, intimate, and playful. Stay on top of your health to protect your bottom! While it’s less likely for a bottom to pass on HIV or STIs to their top, it’s still possible.

Safer topping tips:

• Be generous with lube on your dick and on your bottom’s hole! Too much friction and irritation on the skin makes it easier to pass on STIs.
• If you’re HIV-negative, PrEP adds an extra layer of HIV protection.
• If you’re HIV-positive, staying undetectable protects your partner.
• Pay attention to your bottom, and go at a pace they’re comfortable with.
  

Remember: tops aren’t invincible! They still need to get tested regularly, including urine tests and swabs.

Deciding on Topping, Bottoming, or Both

Your preferences might be fixed or they could change over time. Sometimes an injury or recovering from illness will require that we take a break from one kind of sex and move to another for a while.

You might identify as a top, bottom, or versatile, or you might not care about labels at all. When you’re deciding what to do in a given encounter, think about comfort, pleasure, health, and trust. Ask yourself how your body feels in each role, what kind of stimulation excites you, which prevention strategies make you feel most secure, and whether you feel safe and respected with your partner in that role.

It’s also fine to change your mind. Consent is ongoing — you can say “no” to something you don’t feel like doing, even if you’ve done it before. That goes for the middle of a hookup too.

Communication Is Sexy

Talking about preferences and health might not sound hot at first, but it can build trust and make sex better. You can keep it simple:

• “I like to bottom, but I want to use condoms.”
• “I’m on PrEP, are you cool with no condoms?”
• “I’ve been tested recently, here’s my status.”
  

Setting boundaries and sharing what turns you on can make the experience more satisfying for both of you.