All Kinds of Sex

Here’s a friendly, no-judgment guide to different ways of having sex. You can pair this with the safer-sex tips in Making Sex Safer.

Solo Sex

Masturbation can be some of the safest sex you’ll have. Most of these tips are for partner sex, but many apply to solo play, too.

Oral Sex (Sucking and Licking)

Giving or getting head (blow job) has a very low chance of passing HIV. But you can still get other STIs in your mouth or throat.

Tips:

• Don’t floss or brush your teeth for 30 minutes before or after giving head.
  
• Use dental dams for rimming or during period sex.
  
• Wash the opening of the asshole with soap and water before rimming.
  
• Deep throating or swallowing cum raises STI risk in your throat—get regular throat swabs.
  
• Peeing after any sex can help prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs), though it is not a sure way to stop STIs.
  

Penetrative Sex (“Fucking”)

By “fucking” we mean anal, front-hole, or vaginal sex with flesh cocks or non-flesh cocks (strap-ons). Topping (insertive) or bottoming (receiving) can pass STIs. Bottoming has higher risk of tears in the front-hole or anal walls.

Tips:

• If you douche, use only warm water. Harsh chemicals can irritate and remove natural protection.
  
• Use condoms or other barriers on all cocks and toys. Swap barriers when you switch between anal, front-hole, or vaginal sex.
  
• Clean toys or use a new condom when changing partners.
  
• Listen to your body—stop if you feel pain or discomfort. Taking T can reduce natural lubrication and make tissues tear more easily.
  
• Avoid the pull-out method. Pre-cum and mis-timing make it unreliable for stopping STIs or pregnancy.
  
• Pee after sex to lower UTI risk.
  
• If you’ve had bottom surgery, wait until your surgeon says it’s okay to have sex again.
  

Sex After Genital Surgery

Metoidioplasty (“meta”) and phalloplasty (“phallo”) create a penis using your own tissues and sometimes implants. You may be able to penetrate with your flesh cock or use toys.

Tips:

• Try external condoms or finger cots. If they do not fit, your partner can wear an internal condom.
  
• If you use an external erectile device, put a barrier over it.
  
• After urethra lengthening, you may get UTIs more easily—barriers help protect you.
  
• Give yourself time to learn what feels good. You might try new toys or let a partner give oral sex if you have trouble getting erect.
  

Sex After Hysterectomy

A hysterectomy (“hysto”) removes your uterus and sometimes cervix. Your front-hole may feel shorter after surgery.

Tip:

Talk to your doctor about whether you need Pap test now if your cervix is gone.

Finger Fucking and Fisting

Tips:

• Wash hands, trim nails, and cover cuts with gloves.
  
• For fisting, pick a long-lasting lube (silicone or oil). But oil breaks down latex; use nitrile gloves if you use oil-based lube.
  

BDSM and Toy Care

BDSM covers bondage, discipline, domination, submission, and sadomasochism. Not all BDSM is sexual.

Cleaning and Gear:

• Single-use items (needles, piercings, blades) must be tossed after use.
  
• Clean other toys in boiling water for a few minutes or wash with fragrance-free soap and water. Leather and porous materials cannot be fully cleaned—consider silicone or metal toys.
  
• Be careful with blood, piss, or shit during play. Cover cuts and eyes. Wipe away blood with alcohol and gloves.
  
• Scat play (using human shit) raises risk for Hep A and parasites, but not HIV.
  
• Activities without body-fluid exchange (floggers, paddles, clamps, masks) are unlikely to pass STIs.
  

Stay curious, stay safe, and most of all, enjoy discovering what works best for you.