Pronouns & Keeping up with Language

Pronouns are everywhere!

From the top of a Grindr profile to the bottom of a professional email signature, pronoun cards are everywhere these days. But what is that all about?

People are identifying their pronouns (like he/him, she/her, they/them, ze/xir, and lots more, in various different combinations) to show how they’d like to be referred to when being spoken about in English. In some languages, like Mandarin when it is spoken, there aren’t gendered pronouns when talking about people. In French, everything is gendered, even a chair or a table lamp.

Are pronouns the same as gender?

Not necessarily! Pronouns are often a useful indicator or someone’s gender, but language isn’t the same as identity. For example, a gay man who is fine with friends playfully saying “she’s a mess” or “do you want her phone number?” might never identify as a woman in everyday life. There are people who are “pronoun indifferent” and list “any/all” pronouns as acceptable but still identify as a particular gender. Drag queens often use different gender pronouns in different situations, corresponding to whether they’re in or out of drag.

Mixed Pronouns

What happens if someone uses he/they as their pronouns? Sometimes, folks use both equally, or have one that is more commonly used over the other. The best thing to do is ask, because there’s no hard and fast rule for what someone may like.

Making a mistake

If you make a mistake when using someone’s pronouns, you don’t need to make a big deal about it or overexplain yourself. Just make an apology, and practice for next time. It’s a myth that you’ll be attacked or cancelled for not getting this perfectly every single time! Sometimes people get upset about being misgendered, especially when it happens to them a lot. But most people are forgiving and understanding if you’re making a genuine effort and not turning it into a big thing.

English is notorious for being a fluid and fast-evolving language. Sometimes things can feel confusing, especially if we’re used to talking about or viewing our friends, family and partners in a particular way for a long time. The important thing is to be respectful!